Steff’s Story

When I started to experience chronic pain 5 years ago, I had no idea it was linked to trauma being held in my body. As I began to dive deeper into my healing journey I realised that I had pushed my trauma so deep down inside that I’d almost convinced myself it didn’t really happen. The shame, the heaviness and disgust I felt was overwhelming. My experiences didn’t seem that bad compared to others so It felt easier to just not to talk about them.

When I came back from Uni, I was almost a completely different person from when I left. I was angry, hurt and the world just felt completely unsafe. I had been in a relationship where I experienced emotional abuse and cheating. It took me a lot of therapy to fully understand that I had been emotionally abused because when I was in it, I couldn’t see the signs. I had completely isolated myself from my friends and family. Constantly being told they weren’t trustworthy so when I finally broke free, I started going out and drinking a lot. Its hard to put into words what I still don’t fully understand myself.

One night I went out with my friends and was drinking with one of the guys in our friendship group. I thought he was someone I could trust. I had only had 2 drinks but I remember feeling dizzy and a bit off so wanted to go home. The last thing I remember is walking down those stairs and leaving that nightclub. The next I woke up in my bed, not alone and feeling uncomfortable. I just felt numb and struggled to remember anything. Years later I had worked through a lot of the trauma around the emotional abuse when my therapist noticed I was still having signs of PTSD. She started to support me in listening to my body and what it was trying to tell me. Her sessions along with womb healing, is when I understood I had been sexually assaulted. Part of me wondered if my drink had been spiked, how could two small drinks lead to me having no recollection of that night but I will never know. I couldn’t believe that I had never fully understood consent until this moment.

Being unconconcious is not consent.

Being too drunk is not consent.

Being drugged is not consent.

Changing your mind is not consent.

As we worked through this trauma, I noticed myself becoming easily triggered so slowly began to speak to my fiancé about it. How do you explain to someone you love that you have just realised something that happened to you years before you met them, was affecting you now? That your body was having a delayed reaction to the trauma and that ignoring it for so long led to daily chronic pain. I started to feel like my body was betraying me, constantly being in pain and struggling with inflammation.

The truth is although I may not have remembered , my body did. Not only does the body have muscle memory but how we exchange energy with people has an affect on us to. Through therapy and energy healing I have been able to release these memories from my body and take back my power. I am no longer fighting my body but connecting with her, listening to her and embracing her. In 2021 and 2022 I was diagnosed with Endometriosis,

Chronic fatigue syndrome and ADHD. When trauma is stored in the body it can lead to chronic conditions but I have finally found my inner healer and goddess. I finally understand my body and how my brain works. I finally accept myself, as I am. Women with ADHD are often diagnosed later on in life and 34% of women with ADHD reported sexual abuse in 2015, the year I was sexually assaulted. Women with ADHD can experience low self esteem as well as impulsivity which can make us more vulnerable. It is my goal now to help other women through mindfulness and movement to reconnect with their bodies and feel good about themselves.

Steff Pitman is a pilates instructor focusing on helping you become calmer, happier & find time for yourself pre-postnatal. Follow her on instagram for all things Movement,mindfulness + manifestation tips for muma